Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dave Barry 1947 - 2009

Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning author and columnist, has reportedly died in what authorities are describing as an unfortunate case of horse-play.

Eyewitnesses report that the 62-year-old Barry was alone in his speedboat, and traveling at a high rate of speed, when he crashed into a pier on the Port Boulevard Bridge around 2 a.m. Barry is reported to have been standing in his boat at the time of the crash, and was naked except for a jack-o-lantern that he wore over his head. Authorities believe that the pumpkinhead guise may have been a contributing factor in the accident.

Coincidentally, Barry’s passing comes five years to the day after his announcement that he would be taking an indefinite leave of absence from his weekly humor column at the Miami Herald.

Barry’s widow released the following statement early this morning:

“We’re all so shocked that this could have happened. Of course, we knew Dave loved to wear his pumpkinhead, but he never, ever boated in the nude! I want to offer a sincere apology to the eyewitnesses. It must have been a very disturbing sight!”

Barry’s passing starts the fifty-year countdown to the expiration of the author's copyright on such phrases as “I’m not making this up!” and “would be a good name for a rock band,” as well as words like “gob” and “booger,” which will be available for use by all humor writers in 2059. It is generally believed that Barry's more generic use of exploding or flaming farm animals, small appliances and toilets will be available at a much earlier date.

Barry’s attorney has indicated that it was the humorist’s desire that his cremated remains be blended with the ink that will be used in printing his final book. The posthumous release (appropriately titled Dead my Ash!) will be published from notes that Barry compiled on his substantial gum wrapper collection and the inner flaps of Cheese-It box tops.

Barry was scheduled to make an appearance in his role as lead guitarist for the Rock Bottom Remainders at a concert this evening. Venue organizers at the Gramercy Park Nursing Home are expected to release details on the concert later today, but it is believed that Barry will be unavailable for this appearance.

Plans for a memorial service are uncertain; however, memorial contributions may be made to the Miami-Dade Objectophiliac Support Center or
the Starving Humor-Writer Fund of America.

Readers may leave their expressions of sympathy, or application for relief from the previously mentioned charities, in the "comments" section below.

15 comments:

koe said...

excellent. I love this piece. Dave - we hardly knew ye.

Ann said...

My condolances to the family and the eye witnesses who saw the accident. I can hardly wait for that book to come out though.

Wanda said...

Such a sad passing on such an opportune date. I wonder could it have been planned? Sorry Dave, but I'm not the only one with wondering thoughts.

Knucklehead said...

In an unrelated, yet equally horrific, incident, Carl Hiaasen was found dead in a Florida hotel room, wrapped in spiderwebs and impaled on a witch's broom.

CatLadyLarew said...

What a way to go! Dave always does it with class!

VetTech said...

He used to play in a band down here with some other famous writers. It's a real shame.

Steve said...

I'm pretty sure Dave Barry is not dead. It's not on news websites, nobody has updated his Wikipedia page, and his blog says he'll be giving a talk at 2am EST tonight, rather than that he is dead. He's a great writer and I enjoy following his continued non-column writing online. Hopefully we'll have many more years with Dave.

Dedene said...

I've never heard of Dave, but he sounds like a fun kind of guy.
Don't think it was an accident.

Book Club Cheerleader said...

Dedene, Darlin', Where have you been? Dave Barry is the funniest guy on earth--and a Pulitzer Prize winning humor columnist. I've had a crush on him for years. He had me at "booger"! Even reading the farcical version of his death saddened me deeply--I was only reassured by reading the ending of Carl's blog, and not finding, "And I'm NOT making this up."

Great picture of Barry, BTW--I'll have to add it to my wall collection...

Leeuna said...

Dave Barry is the funniest man on earth. I'm sure when he does go out he would like to be remembered in this way. However, I hope that day is a long, long way off.

Great post and very Dave Barryish.

Amy Mullis said...

Dave and the Pumpkinheads. That would be a good name for a rock band. Funny stuff!

Me-Me King said...

I am a longtime fan of Dave Barry. He'll definitely be missed.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

This is Dave Barry the writer. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. You have me confused with Dave Barry, the 82-year-old star of Major Bowes and the Original Amateur Hour and the Ed Sullivan Show who died in August, 2001. Thank you, and I am not making this up.

Dave DeWall said...

My gosh,the lady never heard of friggin'(can I say that here)Dave Barry! I'm in the middle of a python infested,lizard filled,stinking jungle in the Philippines and I know who Dave Barry is. If he happens to show up here, I will post it exclusively through a comment on this great blog.

Jim said...

Aaaaah yes !!! You've done it, once again, Dave. Did your wife really make that statement, or is that what one would call creative license? Oh... Sorry! It all seems to be creative license. :)

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