Friday, October 23, 2009

The final chapter in the riveting series on Ohio Town Names

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my study of an Ohio map indicated a lack of creativity in the naming of Ohio’s cities, towns and villages. For my vote, top honor for least creative would go to the town of Ohio City, Ohio. How hard was it to think up that name? It’s like naming your dog, Dog.

Then there’s Farmers Center, Farmers Station, Farmerstown and Farmersville. I wonder what industry is driving the economy in these communities.

Many of the names of Ohio towns are just plain ridiculous—or so it seems.

Who came up with names like Pancoastburg, Jelloway, Scio, Seventeen, Wilgus or Yelverton? (Jelloway?!?)

Sligo sounds like the name of a board game, so does Uniopolis; and Overpeck?

“Hi, Boss? I’ll be late getting to work today. I have to take my rooster to the orthodontist…he has an overpeck. Hey! What a great name for a town!”

Were the settlers of Converse contrarians, or did they enjoy good conversation? I wish I cared enough to look into it. What about the people from Assumption? I would suppose or speculate that there’s a good reason they took this name for their town.

Was Plankton named for small aquatic organisms, or do they refer to themselves as “The City of Boards.”

It might be interesting to visit River Styx, Ohio, just be careful of what’s on the other side. Equally hazardous could be a visit to Pandora; and I often wonder if Dracula’s kin were the ones to settle Rushylvania. Actually, I don’t wonder about this at all.

Was Oldtown always called Oldtown; or did the name change after so many years?

I know that Celeryville was named for their chief agricultural product. I wonder if they have a celery festival each year; it sounds like fun!

I imagine there would be a celery parade and pageant, which would be followed by a crown of celery being placed on the head of the Celery Queen. Of course, there would be all sorts of celery food and drink: Deep-fried celery, celery burgers, celery ice cream, celery on a stick, celery beer... Yum!

“Stop by a nearby floss-station to clear the fibrous vegetable debris from between your teeth before joining us in the celery eating contest!” Woo-hoo!

I couldn’t help but think of an old-time television commercial when I read that there's a Whipple, Ohio. I haven’t seen Mr. Whipple in years! Speaking of absences, does anyone no where Waldo is? It’s somewhere in Ohio, though I can’t pick it out from all the other cities on my map.

I should get someone from Enterprise to help. They’re probably more ambitious than me. Or maybe their town was named after the Starship Enterprise. If that’s the case, I don’t want their help.

Are the people of Eureka keeping a secret? I’ve never heard of anything having been discovered there. Maybe that’s where the vacuum cleaners are made. If I traveled to Reminderville I bet it would come back to me.

We have one city in Ohio whose name begins with an X, though Xenia is pronounced with the "Z" sound ("Zed" if you’re a traveler from Canada).

I bet the people in Veto, Ohio would know just what to do with this rambling trilogy!

Read Part Two


Oh My Goddess said...


Home of Jello shots, Jello wrestling and Jello mold competitions.

Now I get it!

Ann said...

Do you know perhaps if Reminderville has a toll free number? I may need to contact them.

Carl Vine said...

Oh My Goddess - Could be. I was thinking maybe it was a Zen thing.

Ann - I don't recall.

P.L. Frederick said...

Hee hee! I don't know 'bout the rest by Sligo is a town in Ireland. Over there it's pronounced "SLY-go".

I'm likin' your blog lots! :-D

Ocean Girl said...

This is so clever and cleverly funny.

Which town in Ohio are you from?

Carl Vine said...

P.L. - Check out some of the "Featured Funny" in the sidebar.

For anyone interested in being entertained; P.L.'s blog will provide that. Check it out:

Ocean Girl - Johnstown, where the high school teams were given the stimulatingly innovative name of Johnstown, Johnnies.

You can imagine the posters that opposing teams create in response to this product of fruitful creativity.

Interestingly, the printed mascot bears a phenomenal resemblance to the little guy on the Johnnie Walker whisky bottle.

Coincidence? I think not!

MegaMan The Madman said...

You should look into city names of other states and have a contest.. the state with the dumbest names..

Really who came up with these names..

Knucklehead said...

Still laughing at the rooster with an overpeck, but you wouldn't take him to an orthodontist. You'd take him to an ornithodontist.

I think.

Theresa said...

Tiny Tim! C'mon man, Ew.

Anyway, thanks for the little trip through Ohio. The funniest name I know in SoCal is Apple Valley. No apples, it's in the desert. Strange.

Anonymous said...

The mind boggles!
I get a kick out of French town names, because they tend to connect with obscene words in my head.
Ohio's are pretty funny.

Lana said...

i never trust a state who's name begins and ends with the same vowel, although it makes for great bloggy fodder.

(ps. hi! i like your blog.)

Dave DeWall said...

Hi Carl, just found your site. Pretty funny stuff! Love your "Not Carl Vine" photos. I'm afraid you are as twisted as me. Thanks for some laughs.

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