Ranald Armand Berklesteenk lived life in incredibly average fashion. Arriving in this world three weeks late, Ranald never quite managed to catch up. His parents, Opal and Emily, wanted nothing but the best for their child. Due to the teasing that Ranald’s father, Emily, had endured throughout his life, it had been intended that Ranald would have a common name. However, Opal’s poor penmanship caused an error to be entered on Ranald’s birth certificate, and the name stuck.
Ranald’s formative years were spent in an unmemorable part of the Midwest, where Ranald continues to be largely unremembered by classmates and teachers. Having graduated from high school without honors, Ranald went on to earn a degree in dance from Central State Mail Order College where he graduated magna cum mediocris.
Ranald served our country, without distinction, as a Canuck Specialist in the United States Coast Guard, where his primary responsibility was to patrol the waters of Lake Erie for Canadian boat people attempting to make illegal entry into the United States.
Ranald was employed by the Columbus Washboard Company, which has enjoyed a recent surge in business as a result of people’s need to pinch pennies in these difficult economic times. There, after 23 years on the job, Ranald had risen to the position of washboard tuner.
Ranald leaves behind his wife of 45 years—a fact that, perhaps, is the most interesting in Ranald’s life, since he met his end at 45 years of age.
Ranald also leaves behind 2.3 children, two of whom are grown and now enjoy their own obscurity. The remaining child is expected to continue to live with his mother, as it has been suggested that he isn’t all there.
Ranald’s death came as no great surprise to those in the community; since no one here has heard of him, or the news of his passing. A memorial fund was to be established in Ranald’s name, but was quickly forgotten.
Services were attended and interment completed by cemetery staff at Our Lady of Perpetual Gloom.
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